Liz asks me questions all the time, because she’s four. I ask her questions, too, under the pretense of stimulating her mind and increasing her vocabulary. Really, I’m just mining for funny stuff. So here are some questions and answers.
Liz: What do pigs eat when they’re not at a farm or at someone’s home?
Me: [consults the googles] Dude! They’re walking garbage disposals! Feral hogs, pigs that don’t live on farms or in homes, eat EVERYTHING. They eat plants, bugs, dead animals, lizards, amphibians, birds, and small mammals.
Liz: That’s not good. They should only eat healthy foods.
Me: Liz, which of Santa’s reindeer are girls?
Liz: Maybe if we’re really strong, we could flip the reindeer over and see which ones have girl parts and which ones have boy parts.
Me: I’m sick. I have strep.
Liz: Awww, poor fing! Are you really sick? If you get two streps, will you DIE?!
Me: Why do all Taylor Swift songs sound the same?
Liz: Because maybe she likes songs that all sounds the same. Or maybe she doesn’t know how to make other songs.
Liz: Who made Target?
Liz: Oh. What are their names?
Me: ………………………! I don’t know.
Liz: Well, who made all the streets and the parking lots? And who makes the houses? Hey, WHO MADE COLORADO?!
Liz: Sometimes robots make cars. I saw it on How It’s Made. And sometimes robots make buses, too. Do the robots that make cars talk to the robots that make buses?
Me: I’m sure they could share information if they had to…
Liz: What is your car saying?
Liz: What is she finking in her brain?
Me: Cars don’t have brains.
Liz: Well if she had a brain and a mouf, she could talk. So what is your car saying?
Me: Ok…she’s saying, “It’s such a wonderful day for a drive across town!”