Ask Miss Elizabeth


Last Christmas, Twin Bro and I got our aunt a subscription to Real Simple magazine, because that’s what she asked for.  But we couldn’t just give her a card saying “Now you get this magazine,” that would be boring.  So we made a parody issue for her.

Liz wrote the advice column.  *snicker*

Over the course of a few weeks, I asked Liz some questions and wrote down her answers.  I put them all together into a column.  Here it is, in its entirety:


Ask Miss Elizabeth

Advice and Life Lessons from a Three-Year-Old

Dear Miss Elizabeth,

I recently attended a party where another guest was wearing the exact same dress as I was!  What is the best way to handle situations like this?

–Faux Pas

Dear Faux Pas,

You should be happy, because now you are best friends.

–Miss Elizabeth

Dear Miss Elizabeth,

         A coworker of mine was very rude to me on the phone.  When I thanked her for holding and apologized for making her wait, she laughed at me and called me a dork!  Then, instead of telling me what she needed, she continued to make fun of me, even though I was busy enough to be putting phone lines on hold.  I took the matter up with her supervisor, but how should I interact with her in the future?


Dear Dork,

You shouldn’t be nice to her, because you don’t want mean friends.

–Miss Elizabeth


Dear Miss Elizabeth,

         I would love to take a beach vacation.  How can I make that happen?


 Dear Landlocked,

Well, you’d have to get some tickets.  And you’d need swimsuits if you want to go in the water.  So you go to the airport, and give your tickets to the pilot, and then you FLY!  But the plane doesn’t land at the beach and it does land at the airport, so maybe you should drive to the beach.

–Miss Elizabeth

Dear Miss Elizabeth,

         Oftentimes I find myself in a situation where I am expecting a phone call, but need to shower.  Is there any polite way to avoid a game of phone tag?

–Of Course It Always Rings When I’m Covered In Soap

 Dear Covered,

Maybe you should take a bath so you could talk on the phone while you’re in the bath.  Or you could text while you’re in the shower.

–Miss Elizabeth

Dear Miss Elizabeth,

         My boss is going through a hard time, and it is making him very grumpy.  How can I deal with him?

–You Know What Rolls Downhill

Dear You Know What,

I think hugging would make him feel better.  Maybe you could give him a hug.

–Miss Elizabeth


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