A Bunch of One Liners

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Mom, making a mess is okay.  Especially when it’s your kid, and she’s making a very big mess that she loves.

Kiwi birds got their names because their butts look like kiwi fruits.

I don’t HAVE a mute button!  You know why?  Because I don’t.

It’s okay, Mom.  I know it hurts, but you can get me some milk and a snack.

Boys always forget to wear stripes.  They should ask their girlfriends what to wear.

Sorry, but my mom buyed that dog so you can’t have her.  But it’s okay, because you can pet her sometimes.

I have a great idea!  You should put really spicy stuff on your tomatoes, so then you can like them!

Here’s your shopping list, Mom:  A cake, some toys, and a hoodie for you that doesn’t say [company name] on it.

Hey Mom, I think we should turn our house into an animal shelter.  We could get a lot of animals, and then people could come in and look at them!

It’s too long until I get to be twelve!  Hmph!

Mom, when I’m done with swimming lessons, I should go to the play area while you relax in the hot tub.  It will make you all warm and mellow and happy.  But you have to wear a swimsuit with a bikini top, because that’s what big grown-up moms wear to the pool.

I will think the Easter Bunny hided the eggs, but really you did hide them, and we pretend that it’s the Easter Bunny.

Sometimes the Steelers win, and sometimes the Packers win.  To win you have to catch the ball and do a touchdown, but the ball isn’t a circle, it’s a oval.  I wish one of the teams was wearing blue.

Penguins are dangerous and they bite.  You have to stay out of the penguin patch.  A penguin patch is a group of penguins.

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